Okay , i'm blank

Well Hello,

Im trying to reduce the amount of vulgar words I use in my daily life, so instead of typing that four letter word we all love to hear, Ill just say eff. Play along, shall we? I feel so effed up right now. God, school was, terrible. Apart from the fun I had with my friends, today was one of the worst days of my life. Nothing epic happened, if thats what youre thinking of, its something thats got to do with my emotions.


Sigh*


Have you ever felt so much pain, pressure, anger, hurt in your body that to one point, you thought you become numb? But youre not. God, this "I know Im strong so Im just gonna keep it all to myself and not let it get to me" thing, SUCKS.


Have you ever felt neglected? Or that everything is never going to be okay, ever again? Have you been in a situation where youre so stressed out that you can hear your heart pounding against your chest, in your ears, in your mind, as if the bloody organ might fall off any second now? Or your mind is doing all the talk but in real life, all you do, is stare at nothing in particular, until youre shaken by a tear drop, that was from you? Not realising youre crying? Not realising how much pain youve bottled up? Have you ever feel like slapping one's face when he or she tries to judge the life youre living in when the person clearly doesnt know whats going on? Then you realise how much anger youve been wanting to release, the person you want to realease at, but never a get a chance to?


I wish I could just walk at the streets and meet a stranger, anyone, anyone at all and just say everything that Ive been wanting to say. I just wish I had a shrink. I dont give a shit. I just wish I could write a whole story about my life and just let anyone read it. I just wish someone knows what this feels like. This effed up pain, that doesnt seem to decrease as days go by.


Damn, if only you knew how much all of this shit affects me, mum. Im doing all of this, for you. If you werent here, god knows where I would be at this time of the day. God knows if I would still be alive. It hurts so freaking bad. I just wish I could tell you how I really feel instead of acting the total opposite.


GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
WHAT DO I DO?